Rosebud Journeys ~ A Photographic Discovery

When pondering on the creation of this project, of the women we met, captured and who share their stories of some of the challenges they have met and conquered; and, how each was at a different stage of growth and exposure to life and experiences - it seemed that they could be equated to the unfurling of rosebuds.

This quote by Paulo Choeho, sums up that vision:

"The rose is a rose from the time it is a seed to the time it dies.  Within it, at all times, it contains its whole potential. It seems to be constantly in the process of change: Yet at each state, at each moment, it is perfectly all right as it is."

Welcome to the Rosebud Journeys!  Each participant has her own chapter within this blog.  Please click on the link on the right hand side to read individual stories or continue 

Front: Nicola, Aly, Courtney; Back: Marilyn, Jill, Ange & Sandy.  Missing Janet

Ange

What did you learn? 

I learned about our individual journeys, how words affect each of us differently. I learned that sometimes the smallest thing to one, is the biggest thing to another.

Why did you agree to participate? 

I wanted to participate and tell my own story. People see me as tough, strong and unbreakable, but the reality is the outer shell hides what's inside. I have heard the most hateful things from others in the horse world. People I have competed against, people I worked with, people that were friends. Shedding light on how negativity can impact each of us is quite important to me. I have an anxiety disorder that I never speak about. As I have gotten older, I have accepted it differently and tried to come to terms and understand it. My anxiety disorder includes Body- Focused Repetitive Behaviors (BFRBs), causing physical pain and damage to myself unintentionally, as my body does not know how to properly cope with anxiety and stress. This has been a life long issue that I have spent a lifetime hiding. The negative words and actions of others throughout my life only perpetuated my anxiety. Horses have been my savior through the hardest times in my life. I wanted to share that. We have the ability to work through our fears, take that step forward, even when life and the odds are stacked against us. You can show up at a barrel race with a little Arabian stallion, and show your heart. You can achieve it. You can excel. You can win. Winning isn't always first place. Winning is showing up.

How do you feel when you are with your animal? 

I feel happy, accomplished and peaceful. There is a freedom that I share with my horse and a peaceful escape that erases stress and anxiety. Horses provide me with an outlet for all those feelings inside me that cause me to self inflict physical pain.

What have humans said to you to that was hurtful? 

I have heard many things over many years. Many many terrible things... You will never be good enough. (It made me try harder) You should have a horse your own size. (He was small but he was mighty and he carried me to many victories) Do you think you will ever be as good as the rest of us? (I became better than some of them) Why would you bring an Arabian? (Because he had the most heart) You're stupid to own that horse. (I don't think I am) Why would you teach him that dangerous trick? (Because it's super cool and looks amazing and beautiful in pictures) You're not nearly as good as you think you are. ( how do you know how good I think I am?) What do you wish you could share with others, in a way that may be able to encourage them to grow and understand the impact of words upon your soul. We are all on our own journey and they are different. Do not be afraid or insecure that someone is on a different path than you. You don't always know what someone is going through, the life they have lived, the things they have done. Be kind. Be understanding. Be forgiving and encouraging.

What have humans said that was helpful and encouraging? 

I have heard many positive things that I have held onto and appreciated deeply. There are many good people that are encouraging and want to help you on your life's journey. I have had some excellent people in my life that helped me see beyond the negativity. How do you feel now that you have seen a few of your images... are there more words you would like to put to those images? I see the bond between my horse and I, a 20 year journey that is now a relationship of peace and trust. I see how he carried me through the hardest times of my life and always trusted I would also take care of him. Now he is old and our relationship is very quiet. He trots to the gate to meet me and I scratch him in his favorite places. He asks for his blanket when it's cold and he helps me put it on him. He waits for his favorite treat and still refuses to eat apples. He looks like a fuzzy pony in the winter and when I look at him, he looks small to me.. but when I'm on him he is 16 hands and we are unbeatable.

Janet

Why do you agree to participate?

Like everyone involved I feel this is a great project that express the bond and the impact that these animals can give to our lives. I feel honoured to have been asked to be involved. Thank you. 

How do you feel when you are with your animal?

Love. Love is the first emotion. Deep happiness, appreciation, respect and kindness. I did not grow up with animals. My very first introduction was when I was 12 when my father took me to a place that had horses. They let me ride while on a lunge line, I fell off and got right back on. I was a very shy insecure kid and I remembering feeling brave and I absolutely did not want the ride to end. I think I was hooked at that moment.
Years later as a mom I had my girls in riding lessons, letting them live my dream. It wasn't until my children were older that I sought out to learn more myself and take my own lessons. I had fear around these big powerful creatures however my desire to learn and know them more lead me to PARDS where I volunteered and got to know them. As I got to know the horses I also got to know myself. I was seeking happiness and to be a better person. Horses ask me to be true, to be my real self. They help me to shed addictions, to dig deeper, to be a leader, to become a strong, independent woman. They help me become the woman I am today. I owe them my life and because of them I have never stopped trying. The connection comes from some place deep inside me, a souls calling. 

What have humans said to you that was hurtful?

An instructor who also became my friend was frustrated with teaching me. I didn't have natural rhythm and I was stiff and rigid in my body and I admit I wasn't an easy student to teach. In her frustrations she told me she didn't think I would ever get it. That stuck with me forever and I could have quit and gave up anytime, however I keep trying and trying. I wanted to be better, I wanted to ride well, it required me to trust, to let go, to be patience and gentle with myself. At times I played with the thought of quitting, but I could not. Horses are a part of me.

What have humans said that was helpful and encouraging?

I have had coaches who were supportive, kind and patient and positive. For that I appreciate, it helps no matter what stage I was at. When a friend tells me I have a great seat, I like that. It took a lot of rides to get there and even though I may not always have it, the moment when I do is fantastic. 

How do you feel now that you have seen your images...are there more words you like to put in these images?

Wow, first thank you to Sandy and Marilyn whose photography skills are phenomenal. Alot of heart, sweat and tears went into this project.
The photos clearly show the bond between horse and human. To explain a connection that runs so deep almost can not be put into words that would express what really is. I can't imagine my life without them. And what the horses that came into my life taught me are so many experiences and are so precious.Even when I was injured I found the horse I needed to help me get back in the saddle and to persevere no matter what. There are so many words that can encompass all the experiences, that are so rewarding. I still get nervous, I still have fear, I still can lack rhythm however there are times when I breath and feel the oneness when I ride and that is the best feeling in the world. I just got Fargo before this shoot and he is great. I am still learning to be better and he provides the trust, patient and consistency that I need. Words are so powerful and what others say to us and most importantly what we say to ourselves matter. I always say what we think about is what we feel about is what we do about. So be careful with your thoughts and words, they have the power to lift you up or to destroy you.
I just wanted to add the darkness and shadow of the lightning that surrounded the first part of the shoot was once me, my life. 

It interesting or maybe no coincidence that the end of the shoot was filled with light, that is me now in my life!! 

Sandy

I wanted to participate in this project because I think there is entirely way too much negativity and judgement in this world we live in. In this equine world we live in.  I have been that negative person; that judgemental person.  It's something I work on all the time, because it's easy to be that way, it's the path of least resistance.  Being positive is hard.  This project has shown me how important empowerment and positivity is.

I have learned a few things during this process.....

We have no idea how our words can impact someone.  And they can resonate with someone long after they've been said and the person saying them has long since forgotten.

I didn't realize how emotional it would be for me to be behind the camera capturing these raw feelings and bare truths.  It was honouring and humbling.

I was able to get to know a colleague in photography better.  Marilyn has become a friend, first and foremost, but she has been an amazing inspiration to me.  She riles me up, gets me excited about getting out there and participating, not just in this project, but in the world around me.  She has helped me learn new techniques....taken me right the hell out of my comfort zone.  Sometimes we all need that, y'know?

So, I want to thank each and every one of you for sharing your stories, for baring your souls, for allowing us to see your secrets and letting us capture all of it.  It is truly an honour.

Marilyn

Well it was silly for me to even think about being involved in a project like this one!  Horses?  Don't get me wrong I have loved being able to capture horse persons in action over the past few years but I'm afraid of a single horsepower.

When I was a pre-teen I lived in central BC on an isolated airbase.  Nearby there was a reserve.  The native boys would ride horses into the airbase community and for a few hours they would read our comic books and ride our bikes while we rode their horses.  This was way back in the mid 60's before safety rules or parents paid too much attention to kids!

The horses all had western saddles on them so us "city" kids could get on and hold on.  Most of the time hanging on was all we did as the animals trotted and galloped and ran with the wind!  There were some memorable rides!  Most of those great memories are overshadowed by the last time I tried to get on the very last horse I rode.  I put my hand to the saddle horn to pull myself up and had one foot in the stirrup when the massive buckskin whipped his head around and bit me in the back of the arm.

That is my memory.  I have no scars and I don't remember any blood.  But it was a horse bite.

Thinking back, realizing there were wild horses in and about the community, understanding the sense of humour that some of those boys had, as an adult, I'm thinking that the reserve kids came to us for comics, bikes, and rodeo!

So.  Why did I agree to participate?
Sandy and I were basically strangers who had seen each other's work but only met physically once on  a winter trail, a few months prior.  I knew she had some amazing horse images in her files and when we met in person I instantly liked her, so figured there was nothing to lose.  We made plans over that first lunch and with her connections to women with horses who may be interested we began.

Ange:  A crazy beautiful soul who uses a whip as an object her horse desires; she calls him to come play and he comes running when she cracks it.  She does not hit him with it.  Ange taught me about the playful side of the equine relationship!

Responding to her hand gesture - he rises! 

Aly:  I captured Aly at a dressage competition, one of the first times I captured this event!  I was amazed that a woman who I presumed to be paralyzed was able to ride so beautifully.  There were many other riders that day and until I met her again I had no idea!

Beautiful selfie smiles!

Nicola:  A truly beautiful soul.  Her smile is so warm and kind.  Her openness, honesty and willingness to share the painful parts of her journey make her even more beautiful.

She said she wasn't a morning person... I disagree! :)

Courtney: I was excited to ask Courtney to participate.  I captured her and her partner and their animals for an engagement session and as I followed her journey I knew her story would be a great lesson.

Communication on so many levels!

Janet:  The day my camera died!  I am so grateful that Sandy remained calm and worked her magic capturing the beauty of Janet - inside and out!

Bonded! 

Jill:  Jill.  Our paths continue to cross and for that I am very grateful!  I have learned a lot about humanity, spirit, horses and life... from Jill.  Jill is also the person who planted the seed of this idea.

A quiet moment.

So.  I have learned a great deal about horses and equine photography from working on this project with Sandy and the wonderful participants!
Horses can bite but they rarely do.
Walk right behind a horse touching his/her butt and you likely won't get kicked.  If you do there is not much potential energy there to hurt you.
Horses are herd animals.  Not pack animals.  Pack animals attack.  Herd animals find comfort in numbers.  I'm still reasoning this one out because a herd of horses has hierarchy.
Horses and humans desire interaction and there are many more forms of communication than verbal.  Touch, energy transfers, awareness.
When a working horse has it's ears back it is working and listening to the human.
W's in the legs and ears forward are desired for "glamour shots"

I have learned a ton from Sandy and I hope to learn more from her in the future.  Horses have brought us together.
And good news!  Not one person (including me) was bit or nipped in the making of this project.

Aly

Why did you agree to participate?

I have Cerebral Palsy with Athetosis and Ataxia. When I was born, there was a lack of oxygen to my brain. The doctors told my parents that I would be severely mentally and physically disabled; never to eat alone, dress myself, talk, or walk. Much less ride a horse. But, here we are and I am exceeding their expectations.
Everything is physically more work. Walking exerts much more energy. I am tired from just getting on a horse, much less riding. However, this makes the reward of accomplishing a task much more fulfilling.

How do you feel when you’re with your animal?

Being with Manny is an immense amount of freedom and empowerment; both from riding and working with him. I am in my wheelchair or sitting down, looking up at people for the majority of my day. My legs and balance do not allow me to walk on my own. But yet I can control a 1500 pound animal with the slightest movement. It’s a very cool feeling! He’s my happy place. Everything else doesn’t matter. He sees me for me. He doesn’t see the disability. Even when he first met me, he didn’t freak out over my right arm spasming or the wheelchair. He checked it out then dropped his head. As if saying “this is my job” and “this is where I belong”

What have humans said to you that have been hurtful?

“You can’t do that” “ARE...YOU...TAKING...A...COUPLE...CLASSES?
“Do they have ‘special’ classes at the college for you? “Can she understand me?”

What do you wish you could share with others?

Don’t assume. Just because somebody looks different or has a disability, either physical or mental, don’t assume that we can’t do something.

What have humans said that was helpful and encouraging?
“You can do it!”
“You’re awesome!”
“You’re going to be fine!”
“Just be you!”

What did you learn?

Being part of this project and owning Manny, I’ve learned that it’s okay too be totally 100% you! True friends accept you for you and don’t want to change you. You have be honest with who you are first to be able to find people, or animals, to stick with you.

Courtney

Rosebuds Project ☺

Courtney

“I am an Equestrian”

Why did you agree to participate?

“All bonds are built on trust. Without it, you have nothing.”

I was honestly 110% blow away when Marilyn asked me to be a part of this amazing project; I couldn’t say no. I wanted to share my experience, my bond and my love of horses with everyone. I felt that this is an opportunity of a lifetime; to challenge myself, to really dig deep and be true to myself. I wanted to learn about me, to see how honest I could be, see if I could break down walls and open up. This project gave me much much more then what I was expecting! It gave me motivation, inspiration, aspirations, confidence and most of all great friendships! Thank you.

What did you learn?

Throughout this project I learned that being true to yourself and being who you are is the most important thing in life. You are who you are and you need to OWN that. Stand up for yourself, speak your mind and always listen to your heart and trust your instincts. My horses have taught me how to do all these things, I still struggle but I am improving. They allow me to be myself, to be silly, to speak my mind, to laugh out loud and I know they won’t judge me. Having such a powerful animal alongside you, working for the same goal is indescribable and inspirational, yet absolutely terrifying all at the same time. I feel so honored to have been asked to be involved. Thank you.

I look up to her, I look to her for guidance and I know we will always make it through, together.

Her beauty is breathtaking and I am so thankful to have such an exquisite equine partner!

“My happiness comes from her. My happiness is my horses, and they are priceless to me.”

I never thought I was photogenic, I always worried about what I looked like, my hair, my clothes, my face, my makeup but this picture is flawless and brought me to tears. We are beautiful, together. 

We walk together, this pathway together, the journey together, it is about us as one, bringing out the best in each other. Every moment.

How do you feel when you are with your animal?

“Happiness. Peacefulness. Tranquility. Beautiful. Us.”

I feel free, motivated and limitless; like I can accomplish literally anything. I feel this especially with Chickary; as she has been my rock, my one constant thing in my life that has never let me down, never left my side and has never failed to be there for me. Animals are full of emotions just like us; she feels my pain, my frustration, my excitement, my stress and she tries to help me work through whatever is going on. Having a bond with a 1200 pound animal and allowing yourself to fully 110% trust them is truly a gift only some are given; I was one of those lucky people. I trust Chickary with my life, our bond is unbreakable; I trust my life in her hands and she knows I do the same with hers. The only way for a rider to bond with their horse is to trust them unconditionally with no limits.

What have humans said to you that was hurtful?

I was uncomfortable with choosing this image but I strongly believe it gives me closure to those people who have hurt me and have said discouraging and hurtful words. Negative thoughts are no longer welcome or tolerated, I do not need negativity or to be treated like I am any less valuable or talented.

“You will never be good enough”

“You won’t succeed”

“Why do you even bother riding, you aren’t good”

“You shouldn’t ride, just stop!”

Words hurt, as much as people say they don’t, they do! Words are powerful and the effect can be excruciating. Some very hurtful words have come from some of who I thought were my close friends and riding buddies; we are not friends anymore because of this. Another hurtful experience I have endured and still do is people who say they care about you and your happiness and trash talk you behind your back to other people. I cut negative people out and those who did not treat me with respect and I am a whole lot happier and confident in myself.

What have humans said that was helpful and encouraging?

I have had many people come in and out of my life; within the horse world and out. I cannot begin to thank everyone, but thank you from the bottom of my heart! Thank you for being there for me, for encouraging me, for telling me, “You can do it, you are good enough”

“Your almost there,” 

“Push a little harder” 

“You are strong, you are brave”

Every single encouraging and positive word I have been given has shaped me to who I am today, and has given me the confidence I have today.

Thank you, Grandpa Al, for allowing me to fall in love with horses, for changing my life forever, for all your time and effort. You are my hero and there are not enough words in this world to tell you how thankful I am; you are the reason I fell in love with horses. I am who I am today because of my horses. 

What do you wish you could share with others, in a way that may be able to encourage them to grow and understand the impact of works upon your soul?

The bond between a horse and a human is much more and runs much deeper then the eye sees. Feeling the heart beat of your 1200 pound partner underneath you is incredible. Asking her to go inside a huge aluminum box to go to a barrel race, is breath taking and feeling her emotions is exhilarating. 

Thank you Chickary.

I wish I could share with others that words do matter, that believing in yourself does matter and that YOU do matter. Your dreams matter, your desires matters, your aspirations matter. Follow your heart, follow your instincts, you’ll never know until you try. Don’t give up on yourself, you owe it to yourself to try and you deserve to try. You deserve to feel happiness and you deserve to feel important. You deserve to strive for greatness. Keep your chin up; you’ll get there ☺  

“You miss 100% of the shots you never take” – Wayne Gretzky

This photo brought me to tears. I am beautiful,I am confident and I can accomplish anything.

How do you feel now that you have seen a few of your images…. are there more words you would like to put to those images?

We are both strong enough to stand alone and be independent but yet still need each other for support. Chickary is strong willed and opinionated if you will.  This image shows a perfect balance of partnership yet independence. 

I feel blown away, I feel like I can see my potential; that I truly am the writer of my own book, I have the reins (no pun intended) and I write my life. No one else, ME! Flipping through my images there were some that absolutely took my breath away and I began to cry. I look so happy with my horses, with Chickary. She truly is my world! My passion for horses grows and grows everyday; our bond becomes stronger and I wouldn’t change it for anything! My love for my horses is unconditional and priceless ☺ Chickary is a mirror imagine of my soul; “You can tell a lot from a rider by looking at their horse”

Everyone on this planet thinks they know themselves all too well; but do they really? I thought I knew myself inside and out before I started this project, boy was I wrong! I learned stuff about myself I didn’t ever think I was capable of being, feeling or doing. I am strong, I have overcome fear, and I am confident! I know who I want to be and I am going to do everything in my power to make that happen! I want to be a barrel racer, I want to chase my dream and I am ready for the blood, the sweat, the tears, and the heartache. I owe it to myself to try. JUST TRY! <3 Strive for greatness.