Ange

What did you learn? 

I learned about our individual journeys, how words affect each of us differently. I learned that sometimes the smallest thing to one, is the biggest thing to another.

Why did you agree to participate? 

I wanted to participate and tell my own story. People see me as tough, strong and unbreakable, but the reality is the outer shell hides what's inside. I have heard the most hateful things from others in the horse world. People I have competed against, people I worked with, people that were friends. Shedding light on how negativity can impact each of us is quite important to me. I have an anxiety disorder that I never speak about. As I have gotten older, I have accepted it differently and tried to come to terms and understand it. My anxiety disorder includes Body- Focused Repetitive Behaviors (BFRBs), causing physical pain and damage to myself unintentionally, as my body does not know how to properly cope with anxiety and stress. This has been a life long issue that I have spent a lifetime hiding. The negative words and actions of others throughout my life only perpetuated my anxiety. Horses have been my savior through the hardest times in my life. I wanted to share that. We have the ability to work through our fears, take that step forward, even when life and the odds are stacked against us. You can show up at a barrel race with a little Arabian stallion, and show your heart. You can achieve it. You can excel. You can win. Winning isn't always first place. Winning is showing up.

How do you feel when you are with your animal? 

I feel happy, accomplished and peaceful. There is a freedom that I share with my horse and a peaceful escape that erases stress and anxiety. Horses provide me with an outlet for all those feelings inside me that cause me to self inflict physical pain.

What have humans said to you to that was hurtful? 

I have heard many things over many years. Many many terrible things... You will never be good enough. (It made me try harder) You should have a horse your own size. (He was small but he was mighty and he carried me to many victories) Do you think you will ever be as good as the rest of us? (I became better than some of them) Why would you bring an Arabian? (Because he had the most heart) You're stupid to own that horse. (I don't think I am) Why would you teach him that dangerous trick? (Because it's super cool and looks amazing and beautiful in pictures) You're not nearly as good as you think you are. ( how do you know how good I think I am?) What do you wish you could share with others, in a way that may be able to encourage them to grow and understand the impact of words upon your soul. We are all on our own journey and they are different. Do not be afraid or insecure that someone is on a different path than you. You don't always know what someone is going through, the life they have lived, the things they have done. Be kind. Be understanding. Be forgiving and encouraging.

What have humans said that was helpful and encouraging? 

I have heard many positive things that I have held onto and appreciated deeply. There are many good people that are encouraging and want to help you on your life's journey. I have had some excellent people in my life that helped me see beyond the negativity. How do you feel now that you have seen a few of your images... are there more words you would like to put to those images? I see the bond between my horse and I, a 20 year journey that is now a relationship of peace and trust. I see how he carried me through the hardest times of my life and always trusted I would also take care of him. Now he is old and our relationship is very quiet. He trots to the gate to meet me and I scratch him in his favorite places. He asks for his blanket when it's cold and he helps me put it on him. He waits for his favorite treat and still refuses to eat apples. He looks like a fuzzy pony in the winter and when I look at him, he looks small to me.. but when I'm on him he is 16 hands and we are unbeatable.